I am happy to say that I have found my voice again and I am using it wisely! Over the past 3 years things have been really challenging. Throughout the entire divorce process, I’ve had some great days and some down right shitty days but I refuse to wallow in what went wrong and I am totally focused on living the best life possible.
Before my divorce I was a vibrant, out-there, very vocal lady who would blog and coach other women to live their best life possible. During the divorce I began to shrink down into myself. I literally felt completely broken down but I know now that I had to break all the way down in order to build myself back up again!
I can fully admit this now — for many years, I was emotionally needy. I don’t mean this in a ‘Lifetime Movie’ female psycho killer type of way but in the way that many people are emotionally needy. I relied on someone else to make me happy, I often blamed others when I wasn’t happy and I looked to others to fulfill my needs. I will be honest — my 17 year marriage was a financially cushy one. I had no worries about bills, if I just mentioned that I liked something, it would magically appear and I didn’t have to work if I didn’t want to and that became a comfort to me. I poured my time into working part time and caring for the kids & volunteering at school. What I didn’t realize is that this left such an empty hole as it pertained to affection and emotions. I totally blame myself for this (now) because I know that I am in charge of what I allow and keep in my life. During the entire divorce process I was stripped down so low and spent a lot of time alone and it wasn’t until then that I slowly became more emotionally self reliant.
While I did a lot of this work solo, I can’t begin to thank those that stood beside me and pulled me through as I worked to rebuild myself.
- The Bestie – words cant even describe our bond. 20 years and going strong — more like sisters than friends. We can get a feeling that one of us needs the other and we will call and already know 1/2 the story. She has always been there for me and no matter how far off the ledge I go, she gets me, she pulls me in, dusts me off and sets me back on my feet again.
- My Chicas – A group of ladies (approximately 9 of us) who have been going out to dinner monthly and have been supporting and celebrating each other for over the past 9 years. The Chicas are so supportive of one another and we strive to always live the best life possible. We have a running Facebook Chat set up where we talk about any and everything morning, noon and night!! They were/are there for me daily with all of the support that I need.
- My December 99 Moms – I’ve known these ladies since I became pregnant with the boy teen. Yep, for over 16 years now (we met at iVillage) and we’ve kept in touch daily through different message boards. We are now on our own private Facebook board and I pour my heart out to them whenever I need to. They never judge, they are always there and they are super-supportive.
- Anthony – *deep breath* This man has caught HELL (sometimes to his face but mostly behind his back). Because of the timing of when I met him and the timing of my divorce many felt that HE is the reason for the divorce. Not true! I have letters written to myself that date back 11 years questioning the marriage (just wanted to clear that up). When I lost my job, he helped me to pay my rent, when I needed help with the teen, he was right there with whatever was needed, when I had to go to court, he was right there beside me. This man right here has been such a great friend, supporter, shoulder to cry on and much more. Our friendship grew into what it is today – a friendship caught on fire — also known LOVE! He is my person!
- My Online friends – people say that you have to meet people in real life in order for them to be considered friends. I say that is bullshit! I have the BEST online friends in the world. Always there to pick me up when I am down, celebrate with me when I do well and some even tell me about myself when I am wrong.
Obviously there are other people who have helped me find my way back to who I really am but the people above are the people that come to mind 1st. While I don’t have a lot of blood family to talk to and lean on, I have a tribe of people in front of me, beside me and behind me that I call family and I love each member of my tribe!