The Hurrier I Go, The Behinder I Get

too thinHave you ever felt like the faster you go – the further behind you fall?   At times I feel like someone is looking at my life and has their finger on the fast forward button and things are whizzing by. In the midst of all the whizzing, I am doing some crazy juggling act to keep all of the balls up in the air!  I honestly can’t remember the last time I felt this unorganized in my life.

The Hurrier I Go, The Behinder I Get — yep, that is me lately.  I used to pride myself in being able to work from home, take care of an infant, a 8yo, a 12yo and a 14yo while getting together with friends,  sitting on the PTA, keeping the house tidy and maintaining a flawless meal plan. Nowadays.. not so much!  Heck, I just realized that I posted to my blog last week and I totally forgot to tell you guys about it…Ooops it is titled Mid-September Already? Where is This Year Going? How ironic is that!

What’s funny is that I have some really GREAT weeks and then I have weeks where I don’t know my ass from my elbow.  I wake up asking my other half “what day is it?”  Fitting it all in has become a challenge: work, working out, quality time with the teen, volunteering/speaking at the high school, quality time with the adult children, board meetings, quality time with the grands, quality time with my other half, alone time…etc.

The only think that I can think of to do is to sit down and really review my calendars.  Oh, did  I mention that I have 2 of them?  One for just me and one for the other half and I.   Perhaps I need to combine the two?..Hmmm.  Anyway, I think what I will do is use one of my Friday’s off and set an appointment up with myself to  just sit down, review my calendars and work hard to schedule things out in a way that is more manageable.  I also need to sit down and ask myself if I am taking on too much or am I just not planning and/or looking at it all properly.

I looked at October’s calendar yesterday and I see that I am confirmed to attend 2 separate meetings, at the same time, at the place.  Both of the organizers of the meetings would like me there but unless I come up with a way to clone myself (and Lord knows we don’t need 2 Aurelia’s running around) something will have to give.

When the boy teen is with his dad, usually my schedule goes right out the window!  When he is with us, I am a little more organized but the days still seem rushed.   I thank my lucky stars for my other half who never gets frazzled no matter how busy things get.  He always makes himself available to throw food on the grill to last us a few days, pick up the boy teen early from the subway, drop him off here or there and play Mr. Mom when I have late meetings but something inside of me still feels like I should have a better handle on my schedule.  Let’s not even talk about my sleep pattern – some nights I sleep like a rock (like last night) and other nights I am up at 3am tossing and turning until it is time to get up (ugh).

What I notice the most about when I am in a hurry is that I get careless — over sleeping, not sleeping through the night, not fully listening to what people are saying because I am so focused on what I need to do next, forgetting meetings and more.  I really need to do more planning and more living in the moment!!

I will give myself a pat on the back for one thing though — I’ve gotten so much better with not complaining as much as used to.   I used to moan frequently about things but I am cutting back big time and now I am focused on making some long-lasting positive changes for my sanity sake (and the sanity of those that live and work with me).   Speaking of work — when I am here in the office it is like I am like a well oiled machine but outside of the office… it is hit or miss.

BTW – this post isn’t a complaint..LOL  its an acknowledgment of what I need to change in my life.

As always — thanks for peeking into my world and if you have some great “stay on top of it” tips, please do share them.

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About Aurelia

My name is Aurelia (pronounced Ah-real-lee-ya) and I am a 40-something year old woman on a voyage to stay true to who I am. I’ve spent so many years being the person others wanted me to be and I slowly lost touch with myself. I’ve been through many ups and downs in life and in January of 2013, I began the process of filing for divorce after 17 years of marriage and literally started to rebuild my life from the ground up.
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