Engagement PSA

public_service_announcementI have decided to open up my blog to my fiancé so that he can share some of his thoughts here from time to time.  We have now been engaged a full week and he has noticed a few things that has taken him (and I) by surprise and he decided to write them down and share them with everyone.

Grab a cup of coffee, tea… or whatever, get cozy and enjoy……

Well, it’s been a week since I popped the question and we are still floating on cloud nine.  Before I get into the heart of this post, I have to say that Aurelia and I have been so touched, so moved, so inspired, so thankful for the outpouring of love from family and friends.  I personally think I do a pretty good job at anticipating things in my life…however I did not foresee the responses we have received from so many.  Of course, we knew our closest friends and family members would be excited and happy for us; but we did not expect to bring so many grown folks to tears by this proposal.  Yes, we get teary-eyed; when we watch the videos or look at the pictures, but the reaction from others have been unbelievable.  For that, we would like to say thanks, with so much wrong in this world, I truly believe that intrinsically, there is more good than bad in this world and that people want to see others happy.  It’s my belief that we all want to see best in God’s creations.  We had a conversation with the drummer of Jeffrey Osborne’s band and he even mentioned getting teared up, counselors at school, co-workers, etc. The responses we will cherish just as much as we will the engagement.

Now, for the purpose of this post.  (Deep breath)…It never dawned on me or my “newly minted fiancé” what an appropriate response would be to our engagement.  Admittedly, it’s something I never gave any thought to.  I assumed (wrongly), that the responses would be pretty standard.  I’m sure some of you are scratching your heads wondering what in the world is he talking about.  Here is what I assumed some typical responses would be: “congratulations”, “I’m happy for you”, “God Bless the two of you”, “we wish you the best in your marriage”, “you deserve each other”, etc.  Those are all pretty typical of what I’ve said to newly engaged couples.  Now, there are a few outliers, such as “when is the wedding”, which may not be immediately answerable.  All of those are completely reasonable in my humble opinion.

Now, here are some responses, which have been quite surprising to both of us that I would like to share.  I will admit the engagement was a lot more public than I expected, since it was on stage with Jeffrey Osborne in front of hundreds of people we don’t know; it just happened that way.  However, for the lady who walked out and told us these words, “the only way I would say “yes” is if my boyfriend got on stage and asked me like that”, I’m not sure what the take away was or even how to respond.

Additionally, I hope every woman is happy with their engagement ring; however, I missed the class on ring size comparison.  After all, it’s the thought that counts and if you purchase a ring, the receiver of that ring, I hope will be ecstatic. Whether you picked it out together or if you went it alone and brought the ring you could afford, it does not matter.  I have never seen so many people show my “bride 2 be”, their ring, after they have asked to see hers.  Excuse me, but we do not need to see your cubic zirconia or rock of Gibraltar, unless of course we ask.  Additionally, it’s not a contest. Call me crazy…but to be told that unless its 3 karats, a man better not ask…is not really becoming.  I assume that’s why that ring finger is still empty.

Next, as we were out celebrating on Friday, a lady…who actually already though we were married, stop by to see what all the fuss was about.  When Aurelia told her we had just gotten engaged, this lady gave me the look of Medusa and said, “It’s about time, what took you so long”.  She gave me the “stank” eye and stormed off like I had spilled my drink on her. I was completely flabbergasted.

In fairness to all, most of these comments were from women…but men are not immured.  Some guy, who I guess had been interested in my significant other and has tried his A-game; but with zero success spent 10 minutes, congratulating me, dapping and shaking my hands while we were out celebrating on Friday night. I had no idea who he was or why he walked up and wanted to make sure he and I had “no beef”.  Of course, I had the deer in the headlights look…”beef”, I don’t even know who you are dude. He explained how I lucky I was; which I am…how beautiful, she is, which was not “breaking news…I knew that as well” and just wanted to make sure we were cool.  I finally told him, “I’m as cool as the other side of the pillow”, not sure what you are talking about, I hope you find soulmate, and can I please get back to my drink.  Aurelia walks off the dance floor just to fill in the blanks of who he was and how he had tried his A-game 6 months or so ago.  Apparently, he didn’t get the memo, that the only A-game she was interested in beings with “Anthony” J…just strange.

Lastly, we love seeing and hearing of couples celebrating years of marriage.  We often talk about a possible downfall of meeting your soulmate so late in life is possibly not being able to celebrate a 25 year anniversary, 40 year anniversary, etc.  If you want to know our heroes, it’s those in our circles who have years and years of marital bliss, whether its 5 years, 10 years, 20 years, we absolutely love hearing about it.   Having said that, when you congratulate us, which once again, we do appreciate, angrily telling us, you have been married for 42 years is not really appealing or encouraging.  It actually frightened me.  So, I’m not that naïve to think that every day, week, month or year is filled with that same euphoria you may feel on your engagement or wedding day…but when you tell me with a scowl on your face how long you have been married, it makes me wonder was it a sentence or a blessing.

As to not end on a somber not, we really appreciate hearing the little anecdotes of what it takes to have a long lasting marriage.  I will never forget the couple who came up to us, the wife was literally pushing her husband in a wheelchair and they stopped to wish us well and tell us about the 30 year marriage, priceless.

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About Aurelia

My name is Aurelia (pronounced Ah-real-lee-ya) and I am a 40-something year old woman on a voyage to stay true to who I am. I’ve spent so many years being the person others wanted me to be and I slowly lost touch with myself. I’ve been through many ups and downs in life and in January of 2013, I began the process of filing for divorce after 17 years of marriage and literally started to rebuild my life from the ground up.
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4 Responses to Engagement PSA

  1. My husband and I have been happily married for 12 years. 🙂 My advice is to concentrate on each other’s happiness and do what works for YOUR relationship. Congrats again! ~Leigh

  2. Anthony, people still disappoint me. Not sure why, but they do. But CONGRATULATIONS to you and my sole sister!!! I am as ecstatic as a kid on Christmas day!!!!!! And man……..the work that went into planning that…..I have to tip my hat off to you!! You….did…..GREAT!!!!!

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